Tillamook Burn 50M- Tunnel Vision In The Green Hell
- Ajay Hanspal
- Jun 3
- 5 min read
Distance: 50 miles
Elevation Gain: 10,000 ft
Time: 8:11:22
Place: 6th Overall
Location: Tillamook State Forest, Oregon
Tillamook Burn 50M served up a beautiful and brutal test through my favourite place in Oregon, the Tillamook State Forest. This one had everything I look for in an ultra: relentless terrain, a true sense of remoteness, a point to point course, and a deep opportunity to test fitness, grit, and decision-making under fatigue. Here’s how the day unfolded ...not well.
Pre-Race Lead-Up
Tillamook was a short notice addition to the calendar as a training race before larger A goals this summer, a fitness checkpoint on the road to big things and a chance to push hard over my favourite distance. The 50 mile distance has always been my favourite. It was my first race and still feels like the perfect challenge - an honest effort, a proper adventure/day out, without the long-haul recovery and logistical chaos that comes with 100s. No running through the night. Just moving with the mountains all day long.
I’d had a solid training block leading in, with key long runs at effort on Tillamook logging roads, strong perfomcnaces at Big Alta & Gorge Waterfalls, and a string of well-controlled interval sessions. Energy was good, recovery markers were trending well, and the course profile matched up with what I have been working on all winter: runnable climbs and flowing descents, through a mix of forest singletrack trail and unrelenting logging roads.
Despite putting in the work, a few curveballs showed up in the days before race day, lingering fatigue from racing and training, broken sleep, and the all-too-familiar hum of pre-race nerves. But perfection was never the goal. The goal was to show up, to lean in, and to race with intention. To honour the training through a full day of showing up for the work already put in.
The Tillamook State Forest has become more than just a training ground for me and my partner Morgen. Those quiet, relentless hills held space for us through a hard winter. For me, it was a time marked by a resurgence in traumatic brain injury symptoms, symptoms I didn’t yet understand were the result of an undiagnosed brain bleed. That uncertainty pulled me into a dark place, one where I projected pain outward and pushed people away. For Morgen, it was a season of career change and uncertainty, all while supporting me through something neither of us could fully name yet.
Running through Tillamook was how we coped. How we processed. How we navigated through it all. And this race, this return, a final run out there, was our unspoken way of celebrating the fact that we’d made it through. The toughest times were behind us.
For me, toeing the line wasn’t just about fitness. It was about proving, to myself more than anyone, that I am more than a brain scan or a TBI survivor. That I’m still here. Still rebuilding. Still making myself vulnerable on start lines and shooting my shot.
And to have Morgen there, racing the 20-miler the day before, meeting me at the finish line, was everything. We saw each other finish. We showed up for ourselves and for each other in so many ways. I couldn’t be more proud of her. And I couldn’t be more grateful for the quiet strength we’ve built, one trail mile at a time.
Start to Mile 29 – Flow and Focus
The race started just after dawn, and the vibe was pure trail stoke. I settled into the lead pack early, keeping the effort honest but controlled. The first 25 miles were front loaded with vert but runnable for us,, and I made the call to push a little harder than I might normally do that early, with the aim of testing limits and building confidence.
Things clicked. Legs felt fluid, HR stayed in check, and I was consistently hitting calories, around 90-100g/hour using CarbsFuel gel and drink mix. The Cloudboom Zones (designed for road racing) actually handled the buffed trail surprisingly well, and I appreciated the extra pop through the flatter sections.
Hit the halfway point feeling strong and in podium position, maybe 2-3 minutes off the lead. All systems go.
Mile 29-39 – Implosion
Then came the rapid unravel.
Between mile 18-29, I made the mistake of only drinking one flask instead of 2-3, focusing too much on fuelling and pacing instead. Dehydration snuck in stealthily at first, HR creeping higher, legs starting to feel less springy, a bit of dizziness on descents. It didn’t feel catastrophic, but I knew I was slipping out of the hydration window.
Despite this, I managed to stay in the hunt. I was still moving fairly well, but my margin for error had vanished. Calories started to feel harder to get down, and by mile 30 ish I knew I was deep in the red. Unplugged. One gear. No power. Pure survival.
Mile 39 to Finish – Grind and Grit
This is where the work really started.
I fought hard to keep effort even and didn’t let the data on my watch dictate decisions. Focus turned inward. One foot in front of the other. Trying to make effcient progress - the mantras 'don't let a scratch become a wound', 'don't let a 1-0 deficit become 2-0' and 'there will be lulls, but don’t let them hemorrhage time' repeated in my head. One bottle of water at a time. Around mile 42, I started experiencing mild hallucinations, a symptom I’ve only had in longer races or when deeply sleep deprived. Trees looked like faces, rocks shimmered, roots snake like, and the trail felt warped. I laughed a little, because sometimes all you can do is keep moving and hope the forest spits you out the other side.
I managed to take on some more fluids, and with a small recovery in the final few miles, I found a little pace again, but the damage was done. I crossed the line missing my sub-7 target by over an hour. It stung. But I’m also proud. I didn’t let the day get away from me. I stayed present, adapted, and gave it all I had.
A reminder that even on the rough days, we choose to keep going. Whether racing a 50 miles or navigating through tough times. It holds true.
Kit & Nutrition
Kit:
Shoes: On Cloudboom Zone
Apparel: On Race Singlet, Pace Half Tights, Performance Arm Sleeves
Fuel: @carbsfuel gels and drink mix
Belt: On Ultra Belt 2L (zero bounce, all-day comfort)
Lessons & Takeaways
Hydration is non-negotiable. Even minor dehydration can massively impact performance through reduced blood plasma volume; meaning the heart has to work harder to deliver the same amount of oxygen oxygen, raising heart rate and percived effort whilst also affecting thermoregulation, muscle function, coordination, and decision making. I’d nailed calories but let fluids slide. It had been nearly a year since covering 50 miles on foot, I had become too accustom to racing for 3-4 hours in recent months, where I can get away with finishing a little dehydrated and skimping on hydration. Next time, more conscious planning with aid stations and accountability on the trail.
Effort over outcome. I didn’t hit my A-goal, but I gave a maximal, committed effort. And in ultra, that’s always something to be proud of.
Trust the process. Despite the late-race fade, this was a clear sign that fitness is strong and trending up. It was also a confidence boost that I can hang at the front with the world's best, even on a rough day.
What’s Next
Some recovery, then some local races/FKT's (Stumptown 50k and Wildwood FKT) before a big mountain block leading into Tor Des Geants in September. I’m also excited to return to Tillamook next year smarter, stronger, and ready to settle the score.
Thanks to @on and @carbsfuel for the support, and @daybreakracing for a beautifully organised race. Oregon’s trail scene never disappoints.
See you out there,
Ajay Hanspal
AJ Run Coaching
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